burkini

France Was Right To Ban The Burkini

A number of French beach communities have decided to ban the “burkini”, a swimsuit designed for Muslim women that covers their entire bodies like the wrapper around a fast food hamburger. While there is an argument that this ban denies certain citizens of their right to religious expression, those arguments forget that More »

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Kamau Bell’s Letter To Michael Phelps Shows The Left’s Racism

When it comes to ridiculous Olympics statements, it is clear that CNN host W. Kamau Bell takes the gold. The comedian published an open letter asking Michael Phelps to step down as America’s Olympic flag bearer in order to let Ibtihaj Muhammad, a Muslim-American fencer who competes wearing a hijab, carry the More »

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GOP Leaders Backing Hillary Instead Of Gary Johnson Shows The System Is Rigged

A growing number of Republicans are endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. Former California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman said she was with Hillary, as did top strategists for Jeb(!) Bush and Chris Christie. In addition, a former Minnesotan Republican senator said he’d cast a vote for Hillary if it decided the election. And More »

France Was Right To Ban The Burkini

burkini

A number of French beach communities have decided to ban the “burkini”, a swimsuit designed for Muslim women that covers their entire bodies like the wrapper around a fast food hamburger.

While there is an argument that this ban denies certain citizens of their right to religious expression, those arguments forget that France is a place for topless beaches full of cigarette smoking hotties with exquisite breasts.

Allowing people to run around in burkinis would fundamentally change western culture. Musicians would have to sing songs that go, “it was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, enormous black burkini, that she wore so her husband wouldn’t honor kill her.”  
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Going to the beach is a huge pain in the ass. You have to pack up the car, drive through traffic, and find parking. But people still go because it is a fun place where they can be surrounded by other people having fun. Beachgoers want to lay in the sand and see people playing frisbee with a golden retriever, while Danny and Sandy show off, splashing around (woah woah woah!).
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But when the beach also contains a grown woman looking like a walking inner tube in order to appease the rules of her antiquated religion, it kills the “good vibrations.”

Beaches depend on tourism, and the French are Roy Scheider seeing the great brown shark ready to ruin their holiday business. They realize that if someone’s beach outfit is so enormous that it makes them look like the Goodyear blimp, complete with DHL sponsorship, then it is not a fun beach outfit. As the French Prime minister put it, the burkini is not a style choice it is a statement against the west, western values, and France:

“expressions of an archaic vision of women in public places … The burkini is not a new swimwear fashion; it’s the transmission of a political project, against society, founded notably upon the subjection of women. Some people try to portray those who wear them as victims, as though we were calling liberty into question. But there is no liberty to subjugate women.”

Critics say the burkini ban is just Islamophobia, but they are missing the point. This is not a trivial argument over who is baking a gay wedding cake. This is a stand against women living their entire lives with 95% of their bodies shielded from the world, like they are a human sleeping bag a hiker forgot to roll up into his backpack.

The ban is a statement for gender equality and a win for communities. It is said that good fences make for good neighbors, but that adage doesn’t necessarily apply when the people are wearing those fences on their faces.

A burkini is a signal to fellow beach goers that you need to cover your body like a grandmother covers her couch, because you believe every other person at the beach is a pervert. And that message just doesn’t make for a mellow day at the beach.

 

Kamau Bell’s Letter To Michael Phelps Shows The Left’s Racism

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When it comes to ridiculous Olympics statements, it is clear that CNN host W. Kamau Bell takes the gold. The comedian published an open letter asking Michael Phelps to step down as America’s Olympic flag bearer in order to let Ibtihaj Muhammad, a Muslim-American fencer who competes wearing a hijab, carry the American flag.

Bell said that Phelps already had enough glory and didn’t need another honor. Then he further justified asking Phelps to step down by invoking Donald Trump – because how could any self-respecting liberal opine on the Olympics without bringing up Trump? Democrats are like swimming sharks, if they quit criticizing Trump they die.

Of all the reasons Bell lays out for why Phelps should step down, the most striking is his claim that America has had enough “rich white men”:

No offense, but right now America has enough tall, successful, rich white guys hogging the spotlight trying to make America great … again.

GOP Leaders Backing Hillary Instead Of Gary Johnson Shows The System Is Rigged

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A growing number of Republicans are endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. Former California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman said she was with Hillary, as did top strategists for Jeb(!) Bush and Chris Christie. In addition, a former Minnesotan Republican senator said he’d cast a vote for Hillary if it decided the election. And on Thursday, the first sitting Republican congressman, Richard Hanna, announced that he would vote for Hillary in the 2016 election.

It’s hard to blame Republicans for deserting their candidate. Trump, who claimed he would be the most presidential candidate since Lincoln, decided he too needed to preside over a civil war and set out to create one within the Republican party. His first week as nominee he got into a twitter war with a Muslim family whose son died in Iraq, which, short of stealing Jennifer Aniston’s husband, is the surest way to piss off the entirety of America.

Trump then refused to endorse Romney and McCain, which was followed by rumors that his staff was “suicidal.” Then it was leaked that Trump doesn’t understand why our foreign policy can’t just be “nuke everybody.” All this led to a huge lead for Hillary, and now it’s coming out that despite his repeated promises to stop illegal immigration, his own wife might have had a prior green card marriage.

So it’s easy to see why Republicans are abandoning ship and crossing their fingers that the man they nominated just two weeks ago calls it quits. Even Trump himself might have to cast a different vote just keep Melania in the country.

It’s Always The Most Important Election Ever, and the GOP Nominee is Always Dangerous

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If you listen to the news, it goes without saying that the upcoming November election is the most important decision in America’s history (though the Washington Post, Bloomberg, and the Nation have still felt the need to say it). On top of that, The New Yorker and Washington Post have boldly warned that a Trump presidency is a dangerous and unique threat to democracy.

And while it’s true that Donald Trump is often times an idiot who insults people for no reason, it’s also important to note that this hysteria around the election and the GOP candidate is nothing new – it happens every election. Every four years the media hypes up the importance of the election and paints the Republican nominee as Voldemort (if Voldemort also wanted to weld assault rifles onto the wheelchairs of disabled six year-olds).

Who You Gonna Call? The Speech Police

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Twitter has banned conservative voice Milo Yiannopoulos this week after a blow up he had with Ghostbusters actress Leslie Jones. Jones, who had starred in the surprisingly controversial remake, had been complaining about the racist and offensive harassment she was receiving on twitter, which led to Milo engaging her and ultimately got him kicked off the social media platform.

But while many of the tweets targeted at Jones were vile and way over line, none of them actually came from Milo. In fact, if you look at Leslie Jones’s interactions with the gay conservative writer known for his “Dangerous Faggot” college tour, they’re actually pretty tame:

What Each Candidate Has In Common With “Pokemon Go”

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Pokemon Go has taken America by nerd-storm. The app, in which users walk around the real world trying to get to specified spots in order to catch virtual creatures, has led to unexpected-exercise for millions of millenials. Due to their inexperience with areas of the earth that aren’t their living room, Whole Foods, or artisanal macaroon shops, these pretend “Pokemon trainers” have been shot at, crashed cars, and fallen off of cliffs as they’ve ventured into the real world for the first time in decades.

Pokemon Go has become so successful that Hillary Clinton even joked that Nintendo should come up with “Pokemon Go to the Polls” (though the instructions for her version of the game would be in Spanish).

But rather than incorporating voting into Pokemon Go, let’s do one better and decide the election by whose supporters are the best Pokemon masters. It’s better than our current system – instead of having candidates fly across the country trying to capture all of the billionaire donors, let’s let the president be the person who nabs the most pocket monsters.

Here is our break of the relative strengths and weaknesses of the potential Pokemon trainers that make up each candidate’s voting base.

The FBI Made The Right Decision To Call Hillary A Criminal, But Not Charge Her As One

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The FBI came under both praise and criticism after it recommended no charges be filed against Hillary Clinton for her email scandal. Director James Comey stated during his press conference that “no reasonable prosecutor would bring such a case” (though that obviously doesn’t rule out “badass” Freddie Gray prosecutor Marilyn Mosby who loves charging people without evidence).

Comey had authority to bring charges against Hillary because the attorney general had to recuse herself after a suspicious meeting with Bill Clinton on the Phoenix airport tarmac. If anyone still believes Democrats are the party of the people, that notion should be quickly dispelled by the image of a former president leaving his private jet to board the current attorney general’s private jet in order to discuss the pending criminal investigation into his wife (who is also the current front runner for president). House of Cards never showcased so much corruption, and Downton Abbey never had characters with so much privilege.

With his new found authority, Comey ultimately decided not to bring charges, but he did take the opportunity to scold Hillary. He stated that Hillary sent classified emails at the time they were classified, which she had denied doing. He stated that she deleted several thousand work emails, even though she claimed to have handed over all work-related emails. He also stated that Clinton’s lawyers did not even read the emails before determining if they were work related, instead they just skimmed the subject line. Comey even insinuated that it was likely that Clinton’s email had been hacked by a foreign government.

The Military Made a Good Business Decision Allowing Transgenders in the Military

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For the first time ever, transgender people are allowed to serve in the military. While many on the left are celebrating the move to lift the ban on transgender troops as a step towards equality, Republicans are criticizing the move as “prioritizing politics over policy.” But those Republicans are missing the mark. Politics cannot be separated from policy so long as the military is funded by politicians who are elected by the people. So long as we live in a democracy, politics must be intertwined with military policy.

The ban on transgender people had been a rallying cry for liberals to criticize the armed forces, despite the fact that there are only like eight transgender people in the military. Lifting the ban on transgender troops is no more statistically relevant than lifting the ban on troops wanting to wear Crocs into battle.  But even though it affected a minuscule amount of people, the Huffington Post had already written at least five articles on it in 2016. At the very least, lifting the ban gives the Huffington Post’s “Queer Voices” section one less thing to bitch about – and that should be considered a win.

The military made a smart, calculated decision to dispose of an issue that had been a huge lightning rod for criticism despite affecting few troops.  It is estimated that there are just 2,500 transgender troops in the total force of 1.3 million, meaning 0.2% of the military is transgendered. In essence, ending the transgender ban is like telling a whiny eight year old he can stay up past his bedtime after he asks sixty times. All you have to do is set the clocks an hour forward and the kid will be asleep by 8:20 anyway.

The Freddie Gray Verdicts Show The Danger When The Left Has Outrage, But Not Answers

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If you were looking to showcase the dangers of social justice warrior group think, the police trials related to Freddie Gray would be a great place to start. For those who don’t remember the controversy, Freddie Gray was a 25 year old Baltimore man with some twenty drug and criminal charges against him, five of which were still pending at the time of his death.

Gray was arrested by the Baltimore police, and a week later he died of spinal cord injuries. Baltimore then decided to stick it to the evil white people (even though most of Gray’s arresting officers were black) by lighting itself on fire. The ensuing riots were the topic of the nation’s bickering for some time, until both side’s outrage was tampered by their mutual love of slap mom.

America was then sufficiently tired of the Gray case to the point where they could go back to arguing about gay wedding cakes (America will never get tired about arguing over gay wedding cakes, it’s as comforting to them as a child watching Frozen). While much of America forgot about Gray, one key player was unable to brush it aside as the rest of the outrage machine moved on to the poop swastikas of Missouri, and that was Baltimore State’s Attorney Marilyn Mosby.

Mosby had made headlines when she swiftly charged a half dozen officers with Gray’s death, causing the blogosphere to swoon. Jawbreaker and News.Mic called her a badass, Jezebel profiled “Baltimore’s Badass Lawyer With a Mission“, Salon introduced people to “Baltimore’s Badass prosecutor fighting for justice in Baltimore” and Huffington Post asked “Who Is This Objectively Badass Attorney Running The Freddie Gray Investigation?

The Media Thinks White Christians Are Responsible For A Muslim Guy Targeting Gays

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It didn’t take long for the media to pin the Orlando shooting on the real culprit – white privilege. The media talks about white privilege the same way an old secretary talks about her grandchildren – there is no cup of coffee, no fire drill, no paper clip that doesn’t remind the secretary of something her adorable her little Aiden did, or in the case of the media, how white people are agents of death and oppression.

One would think that after a Muslim man shot and killed 49 people at a gay club, the media would tend to focus on Islam’s relationship with homosexuality. Perhaps they’d talk about recent polls of British Muslims (who by nature of their accents must be at least slightly more sophisticated than American Muslims), in which 52% said homosexuality should be illegal, 39% said that wives should always obey their husbands, and 23% supported instituting Sharia law. Or perhaps journalists could’ve tied a connection to ISIS, an organization that has made a habit of throwing gay people off of roofs.

Instead, Slate ran a piece headlined “Conservative Christian Activists Share Blame For Anti-Gay Hate In Orlando.” One might immediately ask how Christians, a group ISIS routinely burns, shares in the blame for the shooting.  They didn’t help the shooter buy ammo, like his wife did. They didn’t respond to the attacks by saying, “God himself will punish those involved in homosexuality,” like his father did.

According to Slate, they did something much worse: twenty years ago a sub-set of evangelical Christians adopted a resolution coming out against “Gay Days” at Disney World. While some would say that Disney World is already gay enough without adding tea-bagging to the teacups (we all know why Donald doesn’t wear pants), passing a resolution should not be equated with violence. The resolution was the 1996 equivalent of a Change.org petition – something people click on when they’re bored so that a woman can keep her pet fox. But in Slate’s mind, this evangelical outrage over gay men at Disneyworld “helps to explain why the Pulse gunman apparently considered Gay Days as an alternate target for mass slaughter.”