How the media gets Lin-sane about anything it possibly can

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Imagine the movie Cast Away actually happened to one of your good friends. He’d been missing for six months, stranded on a desert
island, and now he’s come back to the US andĀ civilization. This analogy also works if you pretend he was just studying abroad in Asia, however whenever a white guy goes to Asia for more than two weeks I assume he’s going on a sex tour.

So after he finds out Helen Hunt has remarried and he pickets a beach volleyball game, your friend goes on twitter and facebook. He comes to you and asks, “Who the fuck are Michelle Bachman, Tim Tebow, Rick Perry, Jeremy Lin, and Herman Cain?”

Would you even be close to being able to summon the energy to talk about it? What would you say?

“Oh, Herman Cain was this black guy who kind of ran for president for about two weeks.”

“Why was he such a big deal? Did he almost win?”

“No.”

Yet at the time Herman Cain was trending, a good portion of my facebook friends thought it was very fucking mportant to post every thought they had about Herman Cain. It’s annoying but fine to do this with Tebow and Lin, because sports is the entertainment.

Politics is not entertainment. It doesn’t unite us, it seeks to divide us. So many people spent time and effort learning about Michelle Bachman’s policies, not because they were going to vote for Michelle Bachman, but because they wanted to hate her. They did this knowing that not only would they not vote for her, they wouldn’t even vote in the primary, and even after the primary there was a 110% chance they were going to vote for Obama.

Listen, if you know you’re going to vote for Obama that’s fine. But if you know you’re going to vote for Obama, and you spend time watching the Republican debates just so you can seethe about how you hate Republicans (argh! they want a slightly less progressive tax rate!) then you’re wasting your life away. Just go to Whole Foods, buy some Puffins, walk the High Line, and listen to Bon Iver. Then, when the election comes along, cast your vote for Obama like you would have anyway. You’ll be happier and filled with more liberal Penguin cereal if you do. Don’t let the media trick you into getting caught up in the Jeremy Lin’s of the political world, at the end of the day the Super Bowl is going to be Brady versus Manning.

 

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