George Zimmerman is a human starter’s pistol – he signals everyone to rush to judgment. When he killed Trayvon Martin, people were quick to portray him as a vengeful racist who was only free because of a racist system. This couldn’t have been farther from the truth, as there were no facts that supported a case against him. He had perhaps the soundest self defense case anyone could dream up – as if he was a Law and Order villain written to carry multiple episodes during sweeps as Ice Cube desperately searched for ways to thwart his master plan. When he was predictably acquitted, the nation chalked it up to a racist jury, even though all the witnesses, experts, and physical evidence supported Zimmerman’s self defense narrative.
The media blatantly misrepresented and ignored facts, asking how a jury could acquit, but never once asking what Trayvon Martin was doing the two minutes he could have easily walked home, where Zimmerman got his injuries, and how he was able to pass a polygraph shortly after the incident.
After the trial, in a shocking turn of events, Zimmerman saved a family from a burning car. Some were quick to anoint him a real life Dark Knight – someone who is the hero America deserves. Doing good but playing the role of the villain in the media. Others didn’t give a shit whose life he saved and still called him a murderer with no evidence – because well, racism or something. An unprovable hint of racism is the worst thing imaginable. We would rather a family burn in their car then give credit to someone who might be a racist for saving them (even if like Zimmerman they are Hispanic democrats who tutored black students and had a black prom date).
Later, Zimmerman got into a domestic violence dispute with his wife. She alleged that George pointed a gun at her, he said he didn’t, tomato, toh-mat-o, and they called the whole thing off! It’s unclear what happened, but it seems to have something to do with George’s new girlfriend. Chicks be crazy, but Zimmerman’s wife wasn’t crazy enough to risk yet another perjury conviction, so she dropped the charges.
Zimmerman then started living with his girlfriend. She charged him with assault and battery and said he pointed a gun at her. Everyone pointed to this as the conclusive evidence showing Zimmerman is evil incarnate. But then suddenly, Zimmerman’s girlfriend dropped the charges because she “wants to be with him.”
“I am not afraid of George in any manner and I want to be with him,” Scheibe said in the affidavit.
She only wants to be with George. It’s like Hootie and the Blowfish, but with the US Judicial system inextricably intertwined.
So now the media and law enforcement are officially Elmer Fudd, hunting rabbits and White hispanics in a futile pursuit to put Zimmerman away and make complete amends for slavery. What does all this mean? Absolutely nothing.
There is nothing to be gleaned from the present George Zimmerman. The media made him the most hated man in America for months. He went from anonymity to being discussed by the president himself. Zimmerman filled more late night news hours than Larry King did in the 142 years he was on the air.
George Zimmerman is dead. This is George Zimmerman 2.0. Watch him crumble under the pressure of celebrity and the scrutiny of the media like Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes before him. His head is already shaved. Pretty soon he’s going to be twerking on Santa and dating Fez from That 70’s Show.
Amanda Bynes wasn’t even that famous and she ended up wearing a pink wig and trying to light people’s driveways on fire. So far Zimmerman appears to have only cheated on his wife with a crazy chick. We should be thankful he still understands that concrete isn’t flammable.
Besides, who else would date George Zimmerman besides a crazy chick? Do you think Zimmerman can just sign up for eHarmony and some nice Florida State graduate is going to take him home to meet the parents? Of course not. The vast majority of the country would deactivate their profile if they got a wink from NeighborhoodWatch32. But the problem is America is a huge country, and even though only .0001% of the population would date him, that .0001% is actually thousands of women, and they are all crazy.
It’s entirely predictable Zimmerman would get tempted by a crazy chick, a crime groupie, and fall for her trap. This story, and the unraveling of it, was foretold as soon as the media hype begins. In addition to Trayvon Martin, the original police chief, and the IT director who blew the whistle on unethical discovery practices, we can now add George Zimmerman and his wife to the growing number of casualties of this incident.
We’ve dissected every angle of the story, drummed up news where there was none, and now lives are ruined. The only question is if we should let the media plead self defense.