I Don’t Care That Wal-Mart sold Tainted Donkey Meat

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Three times today I’ve seen the headline “Walmart Recalls Tainted Donkey Meat” in reference to this story:

The retailer said in a statement that one of its suppliers — Dezhou Fujude Food Company Limited — had produced and provided Wal-Mart China and other distributors with donkey meat containing fox DNA.

The story grabs your attention as if it were a Jennifer Lawrence nip slip, only mixed with a high profile company – like a Ronald MacDonald nip slip, which if you ever really look at that creepy fucking clown you know that pic is floating somewhere out there.

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The story has everything – donkey meat, the word “taint”, and the world’s largest retailer. It’s impossible not to get worked up about it the second you read it.

But then you think for another second and realize you don’t live in China, you don’t eat donkey meat, and if you did you wouldn’t buy it Walmart, and if you did eat donkey meat you purchased on a shelf next to a DVD player and a pack of dental floss at a Walmart in Shanghai, you probably don’t give a shit that its tainted with fox meat.

If that’s the case you’re probably not the most discerning donkey meat eater. You’re the unrefined rube who swallows the whole donkey meat at the tasting session instead of swishing and spitting your donkey meat into the designated donkey meat receptacle.

There are so many questions associated with this story. Can fox meat really taint donkey meat? It seems at worst its a lateral move. If someone told me my donkey meat was fox meat, I’d be okay with that. It’s like finding an onion ring at the bottom of your fries, which is way better than finding donkey meat at the bottom of anything.

But we have answered the question of if this story is news. It’s not. Unless you’re a donkey meat shopper in China, which is to say no one who has access to CNN’s US-based website. It is however a good driver of page views on  a day when you can’t link what some guy from Duck Dynasty said four years ago.

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