Stupid People Love Stupid Global Warming Photos

140519_FUTURE_Statue-of-Liberty-12-feet

Probably the hottest thing going on the internet right now are Climate Central photos posted by Slate that make it look like in the future you’ll have to canoe to the Statue of Liberty. These “amazing” photos showcase what American cities might look like in 2300 if the shit hits the world fan – though if we actually had a world fan it’s possible global warming wouldn’t be so much of an issue. The pics are explained like this:

One of Lamm’s scenarios—12 feet of sea level rise—is now squarely in the middle of projections, given last week’s news on Antarctica. To visualize what this change might bring to some iconic U.S. places, Lamm did a series of before-and-after photo illustrations. He explains his process here.

The result is striking. America, this is what you might look like circa the year 2300.

So hold onto your butts, here is another one of those striking photos:

140519_FUTURE_att-12-feet

The San Francisco Giant’s baseball stadium is under water! This is horrific news. In just a quick 186 years, a landmark built over 13 years ago may be halfway under water. Is it too late to panic?! SHOULD I BE TYPING IN ALL CAPS?

How can we put this news of what San Francisco might look like in just 186 years in perspective? Perhaps it’d be helpful to see photos of what it looked like 186 years in the past. Except for the fact that, you know, there weren’t cameras then. So here is a drawing of what San Francisco looked like 130 years ago:

California Views Historical Photo Archives

Look at that tech hub! Google and Oracle probably got into a huge bidding war over who got the good office space over the spittoon factory. It looks like the most advanced technology San Francisco made 100 years ago was a sock that kept your penis from being attacked by the chickens you had to sleep with in your bed to keep warm.

That’s why looking at a picture of the baseball stadium under water is stupid. To really understand how long in the future this is, its best not to look at San Francisco’s baseball team, but its football team. People 200 years ago would not only have no idea who the 49ers football team were, they would think the actual 1849ers were crazy time travelers from the future – wondering what sorcerer gave them those scarily advanced pickaxes.

The point is, if we’re going to be smart about global warming, we have to realize that technology will adapt. To understand how we might adapt in 200 years, let’s look at how we got rid of water in NYC less than 100 years ago:

horse squeegee

 

The horse squeegee! A technological marvel that we have yet to improve upon. Given the lack of progress, it’s doubtful we will improve enough in the next two centuries to keep back 12 feet of water. I mean, let’s look at how little progress was made from the horse squeegees of 1900 to this device holding back water 40 years later:

Hoover_dam_from_air

 

Barely any progress! How are we ever going to make enough advances in just 186 years? These photos are right. The earth truly is doomed by global warming and there’s no going back. We better hope the 2301 San Francisco baseball team really are Giants – otherwise they’ll be a water polo team. Or maybe technology will adapt to stop this certain destruction.

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