A “Sexual Consent App” is App-solutely Stupid

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Professional rape pontificator Amanda Hess (can you be a pontificator if you’ve never taken the side of due process for men ever?) wrote this week about her experience with Good2Go.

What is Good2Go? Why it’s a phone app that two people use to determine if they want to have sex with each other. I know, you’re thinking that app is called “Tinder” or “Match.com”, but this is different. It’s not a dating app, its for people who are presumably already about to have sex to confirm that they both actually want to have sex.

It’s basically like that box you click on before downloading a new Maroon 5 song that asks if you really want to purchase a Maroon 5 song, but here you’re checking the box for penis penetration. Hess’s explanation of the app is as follows:

Here’s how it works: After deciding that you would like to have sex with someone, launch the Good2Go app (free on iTunes and Google Play), hand the phone off to your potential partner, and allow him or her to navigate the process to determine if he or she is ready and willing. “Are We Good2Go?” the first screen asks, prompting the partner to answer “No, Thanks,” “Yes, but … we need to talk,” or “I’m Good2Go.” If the partner chooses door No. 1, a black screen pops up that reads “Remember! No means No! Only Yes means Yes, BUT can be changed to NO at anytime!”

This application is perfect because it smashes the romance out of everything. It’s like remaking the movie Titanic, but with Janeane Garofalo starring as the love interest of a half-eaten Chicken McNugget.

Luckily the app doesn’t stop at turning sex into a literal contractual arrangement, it also makes sure to remind everyone that a woman can change her mind at any time – rendering the entire app useless! Sure she can enter her phone number and password and say she is “Good2Go”, but if the next day she says claims she said stop at any time, like a game of red light green light, then the man can still go to prison where the rapes take place app-free the old-fashioned way.

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Perhaps the most hilarious part about the app is the “safeguards” it puts in place:

If the partner—let’s assume for the purposes of this blog post, partner is a she—indicates that she is “Good2Go,” she’s sent to a second screen that asks if she is “Sober,” “Mildly Intoxicated,” “Intoxicated but Good2Go,” or “Pretty Wasted.” If she chooses “Pretty Wasted,” the app informs her that she “cannot consent” and she’s instructed to return the phone back to its owner (and presumably, not have sex under any circumstances, young lady). All other choices lead to a third screen, which asks the partner if she is an existing Good2Go user or a new one. If she’s a new user, she’s prompted to enter her phone number and a password, confirm that she is 18 years old, and press submit. (Minors are out of luck—the app is only for consenting adults.)

It’s probably more than safe for Hess to assume the partner is a “she” given that when two co-eds are both equally drunk only the man is charged with rape, and in cases of statutory rape the boy is the only one charged even if he is the younger of the pair. But her other assumption is hilarious – minors aren’t out of luck because they have to touch a button that they are 18 years old. Only the wussiest kids ever would choose to not have sex because they want to be honest on something that looks like an internet quiz.

Even more laughable is the “Pretty Wasted” versus “Mildly Intoxicated” button. Drunk people aren’t retarded. If they’re smart enough to figure out how to work the nacho machine at 711, they’ll be smart to push a magic button that let’s them fuck.

It would be great if we could just “app” away all this sexual assault controversy. But we can’t. The problem is not that the app is flawed, it’s that we’ve allowed the dialogue on sexual assault to become so flawed that anyone could think Good2Go could be a solution to anything.

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